About Sagacious Ladies

When I was a young girl, my family lived in a big two-family house in North Jersey. It was quite common on the East Coast in the 60’s I’m told. We lived upstairs and my paternal grandparents lived downstairs. It was the best of both worlds. I loved living with both my parents and my grandparents. My grandmother was an elegant, gracious woman who was a leader in her church. She sang in the choir, worked in several affiliate church organizations and gave phenomenal dinners and church luncheons with many of the ladies of the congregation. She was not just your average cook but a consummate hostess ahead of her time who made any affair at her home an all-out celebration. I remember countless evenings sitting on the staircase that separated our respective floors, peeking through the French louvered doors of her living room and watching the couples stream in for a dinner party.

Ladies in fur stoles and beautiful dresses. Men in dark suits and spectator shoes. They were coming to one of my grandmother’s fabulous meals. My grandfather stood quietly on the side collecting, the occasion coat or wrap while letting my grandmother bask in her element. The pastor and his wife would sit at one end of the table and my grandparents at the other – shrimp cocktails in shimmering crystal followed by a perfect salad on small china side plates. I wanted to be her when I grew up.

Much later in life, I moved to my mother’s hometown of New Orleans and met my husband, Richard. When we married, I was adopted into a large, gregarious and very traditional French-Creole family. My own mother shared the same familiar French culture, having grown up in the same neighborhood just around the corner from my husband’s family. Although I only visited her family during the summers, it always felt like home to me.

Now my mother-in-law Clarita was the salt of the earth. A basic, straightforward woman who adhered to a few simple rules in life. Her faith, her family, and her food. She was a simple cook not at all like my grandmother but still in all, there was a tangible warmth and consistency in the heart of her meals and her hospitality. We ended up living with her as newlyweds for the first year of our marriage. From her I learned how any home, no matter how humble, could minister to any heart and any meal served with love could lift a spirit. She too had a ladies group that met every month at each other’s homes. Now on these occasions, she would allow me to bring a little panache to her table. I would decorate with flowers and serve the canapes, in my own crystal dishes and make elaborate desserts for her lady friends.

Afterward, there was always strong coffee and great conversation about parenting, homemaking, ladylike behavior and issues of faith for challenging situations. The women always went home smiling, encouraged and feeling that someone was there if they needed. My mother-in-law called her group The Sagacious Ladies. They had been meeting faithfully since the 1950s. I still remember holidays like Christmas and Easter fondly. There were larger functions at rental halls for the entire family. I became their favorite mascot. The ladies hired me to host all their holiday events and fashion shows, speak at their recruiting functions, and preside over their more formal presentations. After a few years, I was making the monthly desserts for several of the members who each lovingly wanted to outdo the other. I was in my early twenties and the ladies ranged between the ages of 45 to 70. I think most of the original ladies have passed on now but the lessons I learned while serving them lingered for a lifetime. The club disbanded years ago, but there is still a need.